Listening to my parents talk about it, interracial relationships were much different a generation ago. My mom used to tell me about how she was treated when she would date black men in the 60’s. At the very least, people would do a double take. Sometimes, she would even be harassed by the police officers. No one wanted to see interracial dating and they especially didn’t want to see interracial marriage. It was so taboo that it wasn’t even discussed in many communities. The idea was repugnant to a large segment of American society.

Although I am sure there are still people against interracial relationship dating, in my experience it has never been a problem. I have been in several different interracial relationships and no one has ever said anything to me about it. I suppose that I live in a very tolerant area, but even so it is striking how normal it is for most people in my peer group. My friends come from all different races, and we all date freely. We have all of the problems that young people have everywhere, But none of those problems have anything to do with race.

Still, I know that at least in some places, interracial relationships are less accepted than they are here. My cousin just had an interracial marriage and her parents all but disowned her. I went down to North Carolina to participate in the wedding ceremony, and it was one of the most awkward events I have ever experienced. Neither family would look at the other one and it was only after the drinks had been flowing for a while that conversation finally started. It seemed like such a big deal to make out of nothing. Who really cares about someone else’s skin color anyway?

I suppose that, if you live in a community like that, it is very difficult to keep a long-term interracial relationship going. My cousin has talked to me about it a few times and it sounds like life has been pretty hard since she started her current relationship. Sometimes, the biases that people have are subtle, but they are still there. No one wants to have to put up with a constant undercurrent of hostility from their friends and families. It is no wonder that there aren’t more interracial relationships in this country. They are just simply too hard for many people to keep going.

For shy people, it’s difficult meeting people for the first time. They become tongue-tied and can’t think of anything to say. Crippling shyness can even lead to avoiding social gatherings. We all have to leave the comfort zone of our own surroundings some time and we need conversation starters to break the ice.

Welcoming new neighbors seems to be a forgotten art these days but it shouldn’t be that hard to do. After all, we have the neighborhood in common already and we can comment on the amenities or make offers of help. Conversing doesn’t have to be Shakespeare, just show a genuine interest in the other person.

Parties can be daunting affairs and most of us need a drink or two before we feel at ease. At least there should be some connection to the host to get the ball rolling. Conversation starters in the US tend to be questions about where a person is from whereas British people first ask what someone does for a living. This could be an old throwback to colonial times when people would want to determine the class status of the other person.

Chat up lines are fraught with difficulty. No one wants to come out with a cliché but they are sometimes hard to avoid. Paying lady compliments is the best tradition in conversation starters to uphold! It’s best not to be overly familiar however. Don’t tell risqué jokes either if you’re meeting someone for the first time and you don’t know what their sense of humor is.

Meeting work colleagues in unfamiliar social situations can be challenging if you only have work in common. Ask about their hobbies and families. People love to talk about themselves! Then you can reciprocate in kind but without cornering them for an hour with a detailed life story. You have to carefully edit yourself. Try to avoid coming across as a show off. Don’t begin each conversation with, when I was in Paris, etc. Recommending a good movie is a good way of starting a conversation but don’t give the entire plot away.

Confidence comes with practice and remember that other people may be as nervous as you. Conversation starters need not be of earth shattering significance. Small talk is an art and thinking yourself above it isn’t going to help. Relax and think of a long march beginning with the first steps.